Communication: Hurtful words
Despite their good intentions, a parent sometimes uses hurtful words to their child! Or stress them out by using the wrong words. Of course, no parent is perfect, but it’s important to know how words can impact a child to find better ways to say things.
- The hurtful words
- Let the child express himself
- Avoid comparisons
- Encouragement
- Tips for better communicating with your child
The hurtful words
What a parent says means a lot to a child. Hurtful words will have a negative impact on him and may affect his perception of himself. For example, a child might feel rejected if they hear phrases like “Leave me alone” or “Get out of my way.” »
Even when the child disobeys or does not act the desired way, care must be taken with the words used. It is, of course, important that he understands that his gesture is unacceptable or that his behavior is disturbing, but that this does not detract from his personal value or his parents’ love.
Let the child express himself
It is sometimes tempting to say to your child, “Stop crying,” so as not to hear it anymore, or “Don’t be your baby; there is no reason to be afraid. However, it is important to let him express and experience his emotions.
When your child is emotional, reassure him, show empathy towards him and help him to name what he is going through, and take the time to listen to him. Never use hurtful words in any way. To reassure him, you can use phrases like:
.”I understand your sadness.
The first time, we’ll go together, and I’ll stay close to you.”
“It’s indeed difficult, but you’ll succeed. You will definitely succeed.
Avoid comparisons
Comparing your child to his brother or sister risks creating jealousy and establishing an unhealthy competition between them. Your child is building his identity and self-confidence. Hearing phrases like, “Like your sister” or “You really are more stubborn than your brother,” your child may feel like you dislike him or that he’s inferior to someone else.
Similarly, an unfavorable comparison (“You’re stubborn as a donkey” or “You’re slower than a turtle”) could give him a bad image of himself. Instead, try to see with him how he could improve, but without denigrating him or comparing him to someone else.
Encouragement
If you say words you regret, tell your child you are sorry. It is not a lack of authority or a sign of weakness to apologize to your child. Not only are you setting an example for him, but you’re letting him know that he matters to you and that his feelings are important.
Telling your child that he is “so good” or “the best” at something may seem positive at first sight, but it can reinforce in him the feeling of comparison with others. He can then think that one can be “good” or “bad” as a person, “better” or “worse” than another. It is, therefore, preferable to highlight his successes with encouragement centered on what he has accomplished and on your pride in seeing him achieve things on his own. For example, you can tell him:
“Wow, you made it; I’m proud of you!” »
” Congratulation! You tidied up your room! You will feel better in a nice clean room, and it will be easier to find your things. »
Your encouragement is important to your child. When you tell him you’re proud of him differently, it helps him feel that sense of pride and self-confidence.
On the other hand, using negative phrases like “I’m disappointed in you” or “You make me feel ashamed” will damage his self-image. He might understand that your love is conditional, that you love him for what he does and not for who he is.
Tips for better communicating with your child
- To make communication go better between you and your child, here are some effective tips to avoid frustration and reduce moments of impatience:
- If you feel overwhelmed or overwhelmed by your child’s behavior, take the time to calm down before raising the issue with him. You can tell him, for example, that you do not agree with his behavior and that you will discuss it together in a quieter moment;
- Take advantage of the time when you are alone to discuss difficult situations causing tension between you and him. It is easier to understand each other and find solutions when you are not caught up in the moment’s emotion. Talk about your dissatisfactions calmly, and invite him to do the same.
- To help your child identify and name their emotions, you too can name what you are feeling. If you had a rough day, you could simply tell him, telling him that your mood has nothing to do with him. This will reassure him and prevent him from feeling responsible for the situation;
