It’s easy to say that you’re unique. You’re, like, totally an individual. Definitely not a hipster at all. You’re, like, weird and quirky, tee-hee. Blah, blah, blah. Good for you, kid—join the club. We’re talking about a different type of weirdo here. Someone who’s actually interesting—a person who has bizarre habits due to excessive consumption of high caffeine coffee.
If you’re one of these people, you probably live life a little differently than most. Caffeine will do that to you. If you don’t know what the heck we’re talking about, and you just thought you really liked coffee, then you might realize you already have some weird habits. Maybe you already do one or two or all 13 of these coffee-obsessed things.
Plan Your Mornings Around High Caffeine Coffee
You can’t go through a morning not knowing when you’ll be able to drink coffee—it stresses you out. Usually, this means “making coffee” is at the top of your to-do list. It’s the one thing that gets you out of bed in the morning instead of sleeping through your alarm.
Go Out of Your Way to Grind Your Own Beans
There’s nothing wrong with purchasing ground beans (ha), but you know fresher is better, especially when it comes to coffee. You make sure nobody else in the house grinds those high caffeine coffee beans besides you. Not your mom. Not your roommate. Not your husband. Not your cat. You.
Grunt at People
If someone tries to talk to you while the coffee is brewing, you grunt at them—like an animal. This behavior is fairly common. It’s one of the most recognizable symptoms of being a coffee-loving weirdo. You just can’t help yourself. It comes so naturally.
Once the coffee finishes brewing and you take that first sip, you instantly feel better. You can start using your words again.
Contradict Your Strong Coffee Habits
You say you only drink USDA Certified Organic and Fair Trade coffee, and you do… usually. Most of the time, you practically inhale the stuff because it’s so good. You swear you’ll never drink anything else. Yet those silly seasonal drinks at basically any coffee shop pull you in with their sugary siren songs.
It’s a coffee, after all. As long as it doesn’t totally fudge up the sanctity of a solid roast, you can give it a pass. ’Tis the season, right?
Strategically Snacking with a Fresh Pot
You can’t imagine having a snack without a fresh cup of coffee to go with it. Those looks you get when you make your 4:00 PM cup to go with the cookies Jan brought for the team (thanks, Jan), you can brush them off. It’s the perfect complement for the subtle vanilla flavor, so you can tell Denise to keep that look to herself.
Talk About Getting Coffee After You Make Coffee
Even if you just made a fresh pot of coffee, you’re already thinking about getting more coffee.
“Hey, Peter, want to get coffee later?”
“Sure, but didn’t you just make a fresh pot?”
“Yes. I did do that.”
“How’s eleven-thirty sound?”
Discover a Delicious New Coffee, Then Forget About It Entirely
Sometimes you try a really, really delicious coffee, but you’re such a nincompoop that you forget about it once you finish the bag or the cup or just the thought. It happens to the best of us, but seriously—you’d think your memory would be better with all that caffeine keeping you so alert. You’re always on the hunt for a reliable high caffeine coffee that helps you put the pedal to the metal at the start of every day. There’s got to be something to help you remember it, for Neptune’s sake.
Add the Most Caffeine Coffee Has to Offer to Your Desserts
Brownies, chocolate cake, chocolate chip cookies, mousse, tiramisu—you name it. You’re going to put the most caffeine coffee has to offer into that dessert. And you’re going to love every bite of it. A tasty treat with a little bit (or a lot a bit) of your favorite life source sends a shiver up your spine just thinking about it.
Does this mean you don’t brew a new pot of coffee when you eat the dessert? Of course not—you grind up the beans and.
Rediscover Coffee Favorites
Hmm, this tastes familiar. Haven’t you had this brew before? Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat, you have. It turns out you actually do remember that coffee you discovered last week. It’s never too late.
Bring a Thermos to Your Coffee Shop
You freaking weirdo—you care about the environment, don’t you? Or you just like to drink your coffee out of your own thermos, which is why you bring it to the coffee shop. Any coffee shop. Every coffee shop. The world is your coffee pot, and your thermos is your thermos. You get to avoid adding another plastic cup to the Great Pacific Garbage patch. And you get to clean out your thermos when you get home. Maybe just rinse. Hey, you’re a coffee freak, not a neat freak.
Make a Coffee Slip and Slide
You would totally do it if you could. But what about the hard-hitting questions: Would you go for warm or iced coffee? How about a little cream? Would you slide head-first or feet-first? No matter what you choose, you could probably even get a few friends to join you, if you’re into the whole “friends” thing. It might be weird. It might be gross. But no one’s saying you have to drink the coffee. You could just have a separate batch ready for after the fun is over.
Wear Coffee Swag
What are you wearing to breakfast? A coffee shirt. What are you wearing to lunch? A coffee beanie. What are you wearing to dinner? A coffee sweatshirt. What do you wear at home? Nothing. But you’re still drinking coffee, of course.
Everywhere you go, you’ve got coffee on the brain, and you let other people know it with your coffee swag. It’s fun. It’s fashionable. It’s so you.
Get Tempted by Everything Coffee
You love seeing ads for coffee on social media, and you click on them about seven out of 10 times. Okay, maybe more. You want to try the coffee-flavored macaron because coffee. You’ll buy the chocolate-covered espresso beans because, hey, coffee. Why do you want a slice of tiramisu? Simple: coffee. There’s a coffee poster in a restaurant, and you ask how much it is because, say it with me, “coffee.” But seriously, the poster’s not for sale, sir. Please sit down.
Strong coffee has the power to fill you up with caffeine and keep you up all day long. It’s what separates those who think they’re unique from those who are truly, undeniably one of a kind. These quirks are just some of the ways strong coffee can influence your lifestyle. Strong coffee can take over your entire being and hold you close in its warm embrace, whispering sweet nothings into your ear until you realize you’ve been brainwashed in the best way possible. You can’t be mad. Look at all the ways your strong coffee has made you stand out, you beautiful freak.
About Death Wish Coffee Co.
Coming in boiling hot with coffee that slaps, Death Wish Coffee Company helps you get in the mood for gray skies and sweater weather with their highly caffeinated coffee. On any chilly, autumnal morning, there’s nothing like a cup of USDA Certified Organic coffee with 300 milligrams of caffeine to give you some goosebumps just in time for spooky season. Death Wish Coffee Co. uses a combination of Fair Trade Robusta and Arabica beans for a well-balanced coffee so flavorful and delicious that you’ll think it’s some kind of black magic. Dive into the darkest—or mediumest—corners of their collection with the World’s Strongest Coffee, the World’s Strongest Medium Roast, the World’s Strongest Cold Brew and all sorts of other ways to get your caffeine fix.
Discover the weird stuff strong coffee can make you do by visiting https://www.deathwishcoffee.com/